10 Worst Moments As A New Mom

List #2 

Before I go into the worst moments – let me tell you that I added another moment to the best list from yesterday.  Even though I love being a mom, and the amazing far outweighs the bad, it has been a difficult 4.5 months.  These are the hardest times:

10 – The fact that Piglet does not sleep during the day – usually only 30 minute naps at a time, and it’s quite difficult to get her to sleep even for those 30 minutes – she fights it.  She doesn’t want to miss anything!

9 –  Every time Piglet gets the hiccups – it’s better now, but in the beginning she got them 3-4 times a day and she cried every time.  The doctors and the books say that hiccups don’t bother babies like they do adults, but you could tell they hurt – especially when they were the deep hiccups.  So whenever she got them, we couldn’t help but hold her and comfort her and tell her they’d be over soon.

8 – The first night that Piglet cried and cried and cried and nothing we could do worked.  Eventually (at 11:30 or so), my love took her out in the car and drove around for a few hours to get her to go to sleep. 

7 – I had Piglet in the Baby Bjorn getting stuff done at work.  She loves it, getting to see everything.  I was putting something away in a cabinet and went to shut the door when the corner hit her in the head.  She screamed and screamed.  It didn’t even leave a mark – I think it scared her more than anything.  But I felt so bad.  How does any mother hurt their child on purpose?!

6 – Our first night home – she was in her bassinet, everyone was asleep but me.  I couldn’t sleep – I was so worried that we were going to do something wrong.  I stood over the bassinet and watched her, making sure she was breathing, and cried – the reality of the responsibility hit hard – I love her so much – was I going to be a good mom?  was she going to be ok? 

5 – The week before Thanksgiving, my love worked 3 days in a row (12 hour shifts), so it was just me and Piglet.  By the 3rd day, I guess she had enough of me.  She wouldn’t eat, she wouldn’t sleep, she just cried.  Finally, I just put on her on stomach on the floor in her nursery (thinking maybe she was having gas pains), walked out of the room, closed the door, and called my love crying.  It was awful – 5 minutes later she was asleep and I felt as if she just gave up or felt abandoned.  She might have just needed to cry it out or to be alone, but I’m still not sold on that method of parenting.

4 – Her 2 month check-up and getting her first shots.  I had timed it so that she wouldn’t be hungry until after we left the doctor’s office, but they were running really behind.  So as we were waiting for the nurse to come back to give her the shots, I nursed her because she was freaking out and I didn’t want her to be starving, then get shots on top of that.  The nurse came in and gave her the shots and she FREAKED OUT.  She would not stop screaming…I tried to nurse her some more because I didn’t think she had finished eating before the nurse came back and thought maybe it would comfort her, but that made her scream even more.  Nothing we did worked, so after 30 minutes of screaming in and outside of the doctor’s office, we just strapped her in her car seat and decided to drive her around.  She eventually fell asleep and conked out for quite a while.  Then when she finally woke up, she seemed hungry, so I tried to feed her again, and she screamed – I freaked out thinking she was associating the pain from the shots with breastfeeding.  I made several attempts, crying  all the while, and she finally ate again, and all was well.

3, 2, and 1 – The night Piglet stopped breathing and we had to rush to the ER at midnight.  Things were going fine, Piglet was 6 days old, we had just gotten back in town after being in Columbia for her first USC tailgate.  We were getting her ready for bed when she got the hiccups, then spit up more than she ever has, then started screaming crying, then chocking and gagging, then having brief moments of not breathing.  I’ll never forgot the look on her face as she screamed and was pushing away from me as I tried to hold her and comfort her.  THANK GOD FOR GRAMMY.  She came in and started sucking mucus out of her mouth to try to clear her throat.  We finally called the doctor after 30 minutes of craziness, then finally decided to go to the ER.  Thank goodness we were only 5 minutes away.  We jump in the car – I’m holding Piglet trying to continue suctioning and keep her awake and breathing – by this point she was barely breathing – it was really shallow and I couldn’t keep her awake – my love is driving 80 miles an hour – it was raining – it was awful.

We get to the ER and the attendent casually asks me questions, weighs her, and does all this other stuff before taking her to be examined.  All the while – I’m screaming in my head – MY BABY’S NOT BREATHING RIGHT, PLEASE HELP HER…but I tried to stay as calm as possible.  We finally get back and the rest of the evening is a blur – she got hooked up to monitors, she got an IV line, blood was drawn – like 4 times because the freaking lab kept messing up her test.  I WAS SO MAD! 

After 6 hours in the ER, they decided to admit her, but this hospital didn’t have a pediatric unit, so we had to be transfered, and they wouldn’t let us take her there in our car, so we had to wait and wait and wait for an ambulance.  Then I had to ride in the ambulance with her with these awful ambulance people who didn’t talk to me at all – I’m crying the whole way there – it was awful.

Then we arrive at the new hospital and they had to do another IV line and draw blood AGAIN to do the same tests that they had done in the ER.  Again, I was so mad.  Our room was next to the room where they took her to do this, and we could hear her screaming – and I cried – it was awful.

Things finally settled down, and she came back in and I held her.  I didn’t want to ever put her down.  We stayed for observation for 24 hours.  In addition to the breathing issues, the nurses in the ER were worried because she was so lethargic – she actually fell asleep while they were drawing blood.  And they were worried about her jaundice (that was the test that kept messing up and we never got a good result).  But she was fine, the doctor finally came and saw her and determined that she had reflux that caused the excess mucus and irriation in her throat and her new little body just didn’t know how to deal with it yet.  So she put her on Zantac (mint flavored no less), and she’s been on it ever since. 

The whole experience was awful, and what made it even worse was the guilt I felt – did we do the right thing by bringing her in and subjecting her to all these tests and being hooked up to all these machines?  Would she have been ok if we had just given her a few minutes to calm down?  But I guess it wasn’t worth the risk – it was better to make sure she was ok, I still just hate that she had to go through all of that when she was only 6 days old.

I can’t imagine how parents with babies in the NICU do it.  We spent two nights in the hospital and it was the worst experience of my life, definitely topping out the list of worst moments as a new mom – let’s hope and pray that this is THE worst.  Sorry to be a downer post – I haven’t really reflected on that experience and just kept writing and writing – it felt good.  And we are so blessed to have a happy, healthy girl – whose biggest problems are reflux and excema.

And notice that I couldn’t limit myself to 10 best moments, and I couldn’t think of 10 bad moments.

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One Response

  1. OMG! I had no idea all that went on. Thank God she is ok! I remember when Sera was 2 1/2 and had to be admitted to the hospital for dehydration and low blood sugar ( by the time we got her to the ER her blood sugar level was 37, I think you can slip into a coma at 30!) she was almost non-responsive. Worst moment of my life! I can’t imagine going through something like that with a newborn.

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