It’s a strange day in the neighborhood

List #28

Everyday is a strange day in the neighborhood.  There are just some odd people living in these parts.  Of course there are the redneck lovers and the farmers, but this is only the beginning:

  • The “welcome wagon” lady comes after we’ve been living here almost a year to give us a bag of travel brochures about the area and stale store bought cookies – gee I feel welcomed.  Then she proceeds to tell me that she has tried to come by before, but we were never home.  THEN, she says, but “I looked in your windows and it looks like y’all have been doing a lot of work to the house.”  1) Do not look in people’s windows – that’s creepy.  2) If you do, don’t tell them – weirdo!
  • This same lady has a duck obsession….so I guess she’s in duck heaven living in our neighborhood.  She has 12 or so wooden ducks in her yard that she dresses up and arranges according to the holiday or season.  For Valentines Day, they all had red hearts around their necks.  For St. Patrick’s Day, they were all circled around a pot of gold.  For Easter, they were all standing by giant Easter eggs.  For Halloween, they had ghost and gobblen costumes.  For football season, they were in formation for to make a play, one was even dressed as a ref.  For Christmas, they were reindeer pulling Santa’s sleigh.  For any patriotic holiday, they have flags and stand at attention like military ducks.  It’s really hilarious…and the best thing – this is the first yard you see when you come in the neighborhood.
  • There is another lady who “walks” her dogs.  Well, one dog walks, the other rides in a dog stroller – ummm….what’s the point of walking your dog in a stoller?
  • I could have sworn that our next door neighbors (the ones who had the pig and goat) had two kids (a girl and a boy) when they came to introduce themselves when we first moved in.  But now we only see one little boy running a muck…what happened to the girl?  Weird.
  • We have an overactive homeowner’s association.  The lady in charge of yard protocol drives around daily in her minivan citing people for non-edging, overgrown flower beds, boats, etc.   One day we get a citation saying, “It appears that your garage door has been vandalized, please repair the damage.”  1) thanks for your concern that we were vandalized and seeing if we were ok and wondering how you might help catch the perpetrator.  2)  that was rust preventer paint that was drying and is already covered by a fresh coat of paint, you moron.    And she also keeps sending a notice to one of neighbors telling him he can’t park his boat in the yard – he doesn’t have a boat.  way to be on top of things.
  • One of our neighbors sits in his yard in a folding card table chair weeding his yard. 
  • And then there are the people who had a big pile of broken tile in their driveway for a week – and that was after two days of ridiculously loud air compressor and air chissel noises into the late hours of the night.  They even left a dishwasher in their yard for a month.  And they didn’t have blinds for like a year – weird.  Oh wait, that’s us….i guess we fit right in.
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