intentions

It was amazing how many people asked us in the last two months when we were going to have another baby.  It started when Piglet was a mere year old, but intensified lately.

Isn’t it time for Piglet to be a big sister?
You know, you don’t want her to be an only child for too long.
It’s about time for another baby isn’t?
So, when are you going to have another baby?

And we very nervously laughed it off, saying “oh, no, not for a while.”  Liers we were.

But it got me thinking.  I know no one had any ill intentions in asking the question.  And it’s one I’ve probably asked before to a someone else.  But that could be a very bad question to ask because you never really knew the situation.

Like for us, before we were actually pregnant, I would get a little sad when people would ask because I wanted another baby but didn’t think the timing was right with a crazy job, a crazy kid, and a crazy med school husband.

But what if they were trying for another and were experiencing infertility?
What if they decided that they only wanted one child and feel like you’re judging them for that choice?
What if they were pregnant but recently had a miscarriage?
What if they were pregnant and not telling yet?

Such a simple question, but very complex.

And then once we did tell, I had lots of people ask “Was this a surprise?”  We weren’t really shy about saying that it was (hello!  who has a baby a this time under these situations on purpose?).  But it was still a weird question.  Were they telling us that we were crazy for trying to have a another baby at this time in our lives?  Yes, it was a surprise, but a wonderful surprise.  But I feel weird if this baby finds out that he/she was a surprise.  I don’t want her/him to think we didn’t want him/her (gee – can’t wait to find out what pronoun to use) because we do.  We really do.

I had a friend who had a baby less than a year after she got married, and she was talking about her surprise, and she said, “He’s the best surprise of my life”  That was a pretty awesome statement.  Honesty and Love.

I know that no one had any ill intentions with their questions, but it has made me think twice about the questions I ask.

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2 Responses

  1. when i was 6 years old my brother told me how i was a accident. not wanted. he went on to tell me how mad my mom was when she found out she was pregnant with me. she threw dishes at my dad. made him go get a vasectomy. i went and asked my mom if this was all true. and i clearly remember her response. “yes, baby, you were a surprise. no, i didn’t want another baby at that time. but, you were my surprise that turned into my miracle.” and so i felt special. and my brother was grounded…for a very long time.

    surprise can be another word for miracle. 🙂

  2. the surprise and miracle of it all DOES make it even more special. we are pumped for you.

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