I really appreciate all the prayers and support you guys!   I’m surely blessed.  I know that in the grand scheme of sickness and surgery, this is not really a big deal.  I know that I’m going to be fine, but I am a bit freaked out because I’ve never been sick before.  The only time I’ve been in the hospital was to have my babies.  No broken bones.  Nada.  Nothing.  I had Lasik surgery on my eyes and my wisdom teeth out, but those really don’t count.  They weren’t major.  There wasn’t any recovery time.

It’s funny to me how Russ and I are coping with this.  We are both task mode people – must keep busy.  I came back from a weekend trip with the youth, but rather than take Monday (a holiday no less) off and recover, I went into work early to try to get as much stuff done as possible just in case I would be having surgery this week.  I thought my follow-up appointment was Tuesday afternoon, and was convinced I’d be having surgery on Wednesday…but we showed up for my appointment on Tuesday only to find out that I was a day early…that was the most difficult 24 hours – I hate waiting.  So then by Wednesday, I had finished most of what I needed to at work for the week because I was had been in hyper productive mode, so I stayed home…thinking I would take a break.  But by 8:30 am, I realized that I was nesting again.  I had this overwhelming sense that I had to get everything done before my surgery because I wouldn’t be able to do it afterward.  I cleaned and did laundry and cleaned some more.  I couldn’t sit still because then my mind would wander into bad places.  So my coping mechanism is definitely planning and preparing and getting stuff DONE.

When we got home from my appointment Wednesday (on the right day), Russ started making phone calls (he actually started before we got home) trying to get his schedule worked out and trying to get me an appointment with an awesome surgeon at the hospital where he’s working.  He was like a busy little bee…back and forth between his phone and the computer and his pager…he’s a fixer.  That’s his coping mechanism.  He doesn’t want to talk about it.  He doesn’t want to get emotional.  He just wants to fix it.  So he made his best effort to fix me.

We also both cope by spending money.  I am usually super thrifty and usually object to eating out and try to save as much as possible.  We ate out Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday this week.   I also bought new curtains for Taylor’s room.  And a milkshake.  And fries.

Confession feels good.

Other Random Stuff About My Football

1.)  When we saw the surgeon the first time, I think he was trying to reassure me, but he freaked me out a bit more.  He said, “It’s probably benign because if it were that big and not benign, you’d be dead.”  nice, right?  HENCE, second opinion.

2.)  What’s most upsetting to me is that 1) I won’t be able to lift Taylor for 4 weeks.  Every time Taylor has said, “Mommy, can you hold me”  in the past two days, I’ve scooped her up as fast as I could.  How I am going to tell her that I can’t hold her?  I guess I’ll just sit down wherever we are so she can sit in my lap.  ALSO 2) that I won’t be able to breastfeed Caleb for 3-4 days because of the anesthesia and narcotics I’ll be on.   I’m really hoping I’ll be able to pump enough while I’m doped up to keep my supply up…I have visions of someone other than me strapping on the suction cups and letting the pump do it’s thing while I’m passed out in the hospital bed.  I’m sure it won’t really go down like that.  right?

4 Responses

  1. You deserved every bit of that milkshake and fries!

    • You’re just saying that because you want me to lose the challenge.

      • No, really! I would have been much worse with multiple trips to Sonic. You will have a football sized mass exiting your body … I do not think a milkshake and fries is going to matter in the grand scheme of things. I hope you tell anybody planning to help by cooking you a meal that you are in a weight loss challenge and to go easy on the cheesy casseroles 🙂 I love you.

  2. you and I cope the same way! 🙂 if i have a scratchy throat i start cleaning, washing all clothes, and preparing meals just in case i end up sick!

    good call on the 2nd opinion! sheesh…

    please let us know as soon as you have any kind of surgery scheduled!

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