4th, maybe 5th

So you know how there are various stages of grief:

  1. Shock and Denial
  2. Pain and Guilt
  3. Anger and Bargaining
  4. Depression, Reflection, and Loneliness
  5. The Upward Turn
  6. Reconstruction and Working Through
  7. Acceptance and Hope

I am now on the my 4th stage of coping.  The first was Task Mode Business/Money Spending/Eating.  Then there was Spend as Much Time Hugging my Kids as Possible.  Then there was the oscillating between Freak Out and Denial.  And now, I’m on Want to Crawl Into Bed and Sleep Until It’s Over.  And of course, they’re really in no particular order and I have relapses at all stages and find myself doing a little Task Mode today as well.  But really I just want to crawl in bed.  I’m not really motivated to do anything else.  We have youth group tonight, which I usually love, but tonight, I’d rather be sleeping.  We had worship this morning, also usually a great love, but today…sleep sounded much more appealing.  My bed is warm and cozy and there are episodes of my guilty pleasure shows on hulu that need watching.

But it was good that I went this morning.  It was hard, but good.  Hard, because I had to update each person I saw…after about 20 updates, I went into the choir room and hid until the service started.  Good, because I was overwhelmed with all of the hugs and “I love yous” and promises of prayers and well wishes and offers to help from babysitting to doing laundry to nurses offering to do whatever I needed while I was in the hospital, even if I wasn’t on their floor.  (I like these people a little bit).  Excuse while I wipe tears from my eyes.

…..

OK, breath in, breath out.  Really, it was amazing.  You never really know the support system you have until you need it.  I’ve always known that we’re blessed with an AWESOME family, and great friends, and a wonderful church family…but now I can multiply those adjectives by a quadrillion.  Easy.

OK, now I’m on Appreciation and GET THIS THING OUT NOW.

Thanks internets for listening.  Update to come tomorrow following 2:30 appointment.

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6 Responses

  1. I love your church family….they are awesome!

  2. I commented before, but it didn’t post! I just wanted you to know that I’ve been thinking about you a lot, and hope everything goes smoothly. You know you have a group of friends (who are family) praying for you in addition to your church family!

  3. WE LOVE YOU! and will be saying lots of prayers tonight and tomorrow. and nervously checking fb and your blog all afternoon tomorrow.

    will be sending lots of good vibes and mojo your way tomorrow afternoon! and tonight for peaceful sleep for you and russ.

  4. btw. HORRIBLE POST TITLE!! it stopped my heart! i thought you were referring to a stage of the big c word.

    i almost threw up…

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