I feel like I should just rename the blog PARENTFAIL.COM.  What do you think?

Friday morning I did laundry and packed the car, then picked up the kids from daycare early so they would nap in the car on the way to Kathryn’s house – I had everything planned out just right.  I knew Taylor would have a good day at school, which would mean she would get a sticker on her chart, which would fill it up, which would mean a prize, which I would choose, which was the movie Tangled, which would be her reward to watch in the car after she took her nap.  Both kids would easily fall asleep in the car and Russ and I would have two hours of blissful quiet time in the car.  Great plan, right?

Caleb did as he was told, but Taylor refused to sleep.  Which meant that when we got to Russ’ 97 year-old Aunt Rebecca’s apartment on the way, she was crazy.  Bouncing off the walls. Luckily we made it out before she broke anything or Caleb ate some of Aunt Rebecca’s medication, despite his many attempts to get into her stuff.

Then we went to dinner.  Why we decided to go out in public, I do not know.  Taylor dropped a piece of ice on the floor, then picked it up and ate it.  Then she kept freaking out because her cheeseburger wouldn’t stay together after she put salad on it (salad AKA lettuce and tomato).

We finally get to Kathyrn’s house in time for the bedtime routine.  Kathryn had a great idea that Taylor and Ryleigh could sleep in the same room since Ryleigh ALWAYS goes to sleep easily and Taylor didn’t have a nap, so should fall asleep quickly.  Great idea, right? Notsomuch. Both girls were too wound up and excited that they wouldn’t settle down.  So then we moved Taylor’s air mattress into another bedroom and hoped she would fall asleep.

In the meantime, I was trying to set up Caleb’s pack-and-play.  But one of the sides was broken.  After many attempts to fix it, we decided we didn’t have any other options and put him in anyway since with the three sides locked, it was sturdy enough, right?  But he was too wound up from the road trip excitement and wouldn’t settle down.

Finally after much negotiating, rocking, singing, begging, pleading, praying…all of the kids were asleep by 8:30 pm.  Success!  Miracle!  If I’d known what the night would hold, I would have gone to sleep right then.

We decided Taylor would sleep better in our room with the noise maker going and so we would be there when she woke up in a strange place.  So we moved her and her bed into our room without waking her up.  Success!

Then I started reading tweets and status updates about all of the crazy tornadoes….then it got really windy and rainy  outside and Caleb kept coughing, so I couldn’t sleep – worried that Caleb’s coughing would wake Taylor up and that a tornado would kill all of us (meanwhile Russ is sleeping soundly – I hated him a little – I think at one point I even elbowed him out of frustration, but he slept through that as well – and I hated him more).  Finally all noises ceased around 1:00am.


Then at 4:00 am (FOUR O’CLOCK AAAAMMMM), Taylor woke up and stood in the corner of the room (?!).  Usually if she wakes up that early she’ll got right back to sleep, but not that night/morning.  She kept rolling around and sniffing repeatedly even though she had dispersed all boogies several times.  Then at 5:00 am, she finally woke Caleb up.  He cried.  a lot.  We were trying to keep both of them quiet since there were 5 other people still sleeping in the house (because it was FIVE O’CLOCK AAAAMMMM on a Saturday), but Caleb would not stop crying without a bottle.  So I went downstairs to retrieve a bottle, not realizing that my brother-in-law’s brother was asleep on the couch.  On the way to the kitchen, I kicked two or three things in the floor just to make sure to make as much noise as possible.  Then I got upstairs with the bottle only to realize that I forgot his reflux medicine.  So I had to go back downstairs to get it, knocking over a picture frame on my way causing a really good ruckus just in case he was still asleep.

By the time we got Caleb settled down, Taylor was jumping up and down on her bed, screaming, and laughing an evil laugh.  So we were all awake with no hope of going back to sleep.  In an effort to contain the madness, we stayed in the room for a while, but once two more people were awake in the house, we decided to venture downstairs to play in the playroom before someone in our room met an unfortunate end.

Taylor ended up in time out on the front porch by herself.*

Then Caleb  put a bee in his mouth.**

So the moral of the story is we should never leave our house. ever. again.

*I could see her the whole time and it was only a little cold, I’m not THAT bad of a mother. yet.

**We’re 95% sure it was dead before he tried to eat it.

4 Responses

  1. I’m sorry….I should have come up Friday night….

  2. I am so sorry. I only chuckled a little and only because I could so relate. I could contribute to PARENTFAIL.COM, if you need guest posts. The fact that your kids are still alive; you still hold a job; and you have enough sanity to still write coherently on this blog tells me that you are not failing. I do not understand how you do everything you do. And I know you house is clean too. And you go on trips. You are a regular miracle in my book. hope the kiddos are letting you sleep this week. (My theory: If Jesus can be resurrected this week, surely he can make my kids sleep, right?)

  3. I am sorry, really Dorothy… but, I laughed so hard I cried! Here by myself and I am laughing hysterically! I just love your stories of survival.

  4. That was an Aunt Kathryn fail moment … what was I thinking? I thought the worst thing that might happen was we would hear giggling on the monitor before they both went peacefully to sleep. I did not fathom the idea that Ry would cry/scream and throw her body around like a fish out of water.

    It was funny though. I know you were not even close to laughing Saturday morning but I had to chuckle at the idea of what my neighbors would think if they looked outside in the wee hours of the morning to see a strange little girl sitting by herself on our front porch.

    You got free Chick-fil-a 🙂

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