Two years or so ago, in a youth ministry committee meeting brainstorming ideas for fundraisers, Russ said that he thought we should have a Womanless Beauty Pageant. His dad had been in one at his home church (I’ve seen pictures, he looked EXACTLY like his sister, crazy). I was hesitant, but slowly the idea caught on among the youth, and before I knew it we were planning our first Womanless Beauty Pageant. The youth chose a date and the pageant format. They decided who the judges would be. They made a long list of men that they wanted to ask to be in the pageant.
I began to panic two weeks ago when VERY few men were willing/able to be a part of this spectacle. Even Russ who HAD THE IDEA said that he wasn’t going to be in it. But slowly but surely, nine brave and secure contestants stepped up to the plate, including Russ (I had to remind him 104 times that it was his idea and we wouldn’t be doing this if it weren’t for his idea in the first place). And oh my goodness gracious – it was the most fun. I haven’t heard a group of Presbyterians get that rowdy in a long time (since seminary perhaps).
The youth are forever indebted to these men who went to goodwill to try on dresses, practiced walking in high heels, painted their own finger nails, recruited our Mary Kay member to do their make-up, created lovely female characters, and went ALL OUT to make sure the audience had a good time and that we raised money for the youth. I think it is especially humorous that when asked to pick their pageant name, THREE of the contestants chose Daisy – apparently that is the southern idea of a proper pageant name.
I was able to see the contestants get ready, so I knew what was coming, but seeing/hearing the audience reactions as each beauty stepped out of the doorway and headed to the stage was absolutely priceless, especially because our contestants were so into their characters with struts and hair flips and high pitched voices. They began by introducing themselves and telling a bit about who they were. Next the question round elicited responses to questions such as: “What is your idea of a perfect date?” “What are your favorite traits in a man?” and “If you could get away with a crime what would it be?” (This last question got my favorite answer…all of the contestants began to harass/hit on the host and the answer to the question was “stealing your heart, baby” – quick witted those ladies).
Then came the talent portion – there was cornhole, balloon animal making, poetry reading, cheering, jumping on a pogo stick, “singing”, magic, “dip art”, and juggling a soccer ball while wearing heels. All awesome. The judges had a very difficult job with so much beauty and talent up on that stage. But alas, they did choose their top three.
And you wouldn’t believe who won Second Runner-Up: Nixie Knockers, the soccer juggling, bearded pregnant contestant. Also known to you as Russ:
I am sad that I really didn’t get a good picture of the full get up. I’m afraid that Piglet may need therapy after this whole experience. She was very concerned that he used her little soccer balls for boobs and a ball she wanted to play with for the belly. At one point she ran on stage, lifted the dress, and birthed the baby ball. This is the point when I cried I was laughing so hard.